Hello everyone! I’m happily typing this post away during my mid-term break, the one chance I’ve had to breathe in these past weeks. I talked a lot about what happened in September in my post: What Happened in September and My Plans Moving Forward so you can check out the details there.
Today I feel like talking about my university courses and how everything is going in my academic life. I’m planning on exploring my long term goals and aspirations and I’m probably going to ramble about the questions and anxieties I have regarding my academics, so strap in.
I won’t lie, a good chunk of this post is because I’ve been having a mini-crisis regarding my academics and I thought writing it all here might help? But apart from that, I’m also excited about some of the stuff I’m working on and apparently some of you are actually invested in my university journey?
Wow, I’m flattered. Although half of it can basically be described as drowning in assignments and tears.
Let’s Talk About My University Courses!
I’m in my second year now! It’s just so strange and hard to believe? Like I still feel like a fresher except I’ve lost all my fresher energy. RIP.
I’m not going to bore you all with the compulsory courses I’m taking this semester because I already hate them enough. I mean Environmental Science wasn’t supposed to be too bad but god forbid if my professor can keep me awake with his voice at 8:30 in the morning. Nope, not happening. The second one is supposed to be a basic science course but they’re somehow teaching us logarithm? WHY MATHS?
This is me when I encounter maths:
My saving grace has been Nandini @Novels and Nebulas who’s been coaching me on logarithms like a patient saint. Disclaimer: I can be extremely dumb when it comes to maths.
Okay, now that we’re done with the bad stuff…
I’m doing two psychology courses, one of them being a very basic introductory course and the other being a statistics course. I honestly expected to be a bit bored in the introductory course because it’s supposed to be a repetition of the psychology I did in school but it’s nice to revisit concepts and the syllabus isn’t entirely the same so I do encounter some new stuff. As a plus, I find it to be a very easy grade!
I was actually very scared for the statistics course but it has quickly become my favourite course this semester. There is very little statistics involved and more of methodology and I’m absolutely loving it. My professor, who’s actually a visiting professor, is extremely sweet and accommodating. The material is very interesting and I’ve read some really fun papers and spent my time trying to dissect them.
My latest group project was coming up with a research questionnaire and writing a paper on it which was truly exhausting but still, extremely fun. And the group project gods finally blessed me with a freaking wonderful group! This might be the first time I’ve ever had so much fun in a group project.
The only downside to this course is that the professor is just extremely slow, to the point that sometimes I have to check whether she took a pause or zoom froze on me…
Coming to my last and only literature course, we have literary theory. This course has been an absolute ride. I knew going into this compulsory course that we would be reading papers and essays instead of books but I didn’t expect everything to be so…. dense?
There’s a lot of philosophy going on which I absolutely despise and often I understand very little of my readings and end up searching for lessons on YouTube. The format of the class is such that we are expected to read and understand and summarize these readings on our own and then hold a discussion. It just involves minimal interaction from the professor’s side and I don’t know, I’ve been a bit lost. I usually never get the answers to the questions I pose and the discussion just goes round and round, generating more questions than answers. And the basic concepts aren’t always explained? Even if I enjoy the readings I almost always hate the direction the discussions end up going in. It’s a very stressful course and I’m not sure that I enjoy it enough to put in that sort of effort. This leads me to our next section…
What Do I Want To Pursue?
I’ve been so sure for so long that I want to pursue English and Psychology. I’ve always been adamant on my plan of doing a double major in English and Psychology with a minor in Creative Writing. That’s been the dream but lately I’ve been questioning it a bit.
I’m not enjoying my literature courses as much as I thought I would.
Let’s digress. I took two courses in my first semester, one of which was nice but the other was an absolute highlight of my year, I loved it with every piece of my soul. The problem is, I haven’t felt that way with any of my other literature courses as of yet. Last semester I started questioning doing an English major because I wasn’t having that much fun in my Literature course. But then I pushed it aside, thinking that my feelings were heavily affected by the change to online learning. I detest online classes and it zaps most of my motivation away.
But my current literature course hasn’t been going great either and when I think of the next few compulsory courses for an English major, I just feel exhausted even as I think about taking those. I haven’t got a great feedback from my friends on them as well, mostly because they’re all about reading the works of dead white men.
Ugh, I absolutely hate that genre.
But they’re compulsory courses for an English major or minor so where do I go from here?
There are no expectations for me to be an English major. Like, my family might be surprised if I drop that plan but there’s no pressure from that side. People tell me that my academic plan seems very ambitious and stressful and that’s not entirely a lie, but because I love all these subjects I like the intensity that they come with. I don’t mind working for it. But I hate working on something I don’t like. I’m an all or nothing sort of person.
So if I’m not liking the literature courses, is there even a point in doing those? Part of me wants to drop out of the literature idea but part of me wants to surge ahead anyway, hoping to get that spark I got from my first literature course. Even if I try to do an English minor instead of a major, it would still involve all those unappealing compulsory courses. In fact, it would stop at that whereas pursuing a major would allow me to attend the more optional and elective courses.
So yeah, this is extremely frustrating and I’m literally questioning this decision everyday with no answer in front of me.
Apart from that, this semester has been going as well as it can on an online platform but I absolutely can’t wait to be back on campus. Fingers crossed, January will be the month I go back. 2021 can’t come soon enough!